Forming stable relationships with others means investing in emotional bank accounts

Sagar was a simple man and understood early in life that relationships matter more than everything in life. His friends and colleagues knew that he was a kind-hearted man and extremely helpful in nature, naturally, they liked him. Manoj was an old friend of Sagar. Although they were out of touch for some time, again the two old friends were meeting each other.

Manoj was ambitious and self-centred. Manoj never reached to people without an intention. In fact, he recently contacted Sagar because he wanted Sagar to recommend his company to his boss! Manoj was a businessman and he wanted to do business with Sagar’s company.

One evening they were talking over coffee in a restaurant when Manoj requested the deal. He insisted his friend to make a recommendation to his boss. Next day Sagar went to his boss and discussed about his friend’s company. As he was an experienced and trustworthy employee, his boss contacted Manoj and made a deal with him.

After this deal, whenever Sagar called Manoj, either he wouldn’t receive his call or reply very briefly and end the call. Manoj now had no time for his friend. After a few years Manoj was trying to admit his daughter in a big school. He tried in a few schools but his daughter couldn’t crack the admission test.

Suddenly Manoj’s wife said to her husband to contact Sagar as his wife Mita was a senior teacher in a reputed school. Mita might be able to make a reference to the Headmistress and get their daughter admitted to the school. So, Manoj contacted Sagar again! Sagar although a very kind person, realised that Manoj always reached to him in his hour of need. He was always utilizing Sagar for his own benefit. Even so he requested his wife to help his friend’s daughter to get admission in her school.

Mita also understood that Manoj was calculative but still helped him as she understood that otherwise his child would be in trouble. Again after this help was done Manoj and his wife remained aloof from them. After a year, suddenly Manoj came to Sagar and started wailing. He was in deep trouble. His business was in a tight spot and his name was ruined. All his clients and customers had cancelled doing business with him. Manoj had asked a few of his respectable friends to clear his name but nobody was helping him. Sagar was his only hope!

As Sagar was an honest employee he could request his boss to renew business with Manoj. Also Sagar could request his boss to insist other companies to continue their business with Manoj! Sagar listened to his friend entirely and then refused him. Manoj was angry! Sagar now continued that he was unaware of the character of Manoj, so it would be dishonest to clear his name to his boss, let alone request him to recommend Manoj to others!

Manoj shouted that of course Sagar knew him! He was his old friend. How could Sagar believe that his old friend would do any unfair business! Sagar now said that he had no idea about Manoj as there wasn’t any real connection between them. Manoj only contacted Sagar in times of his needs. Sagar had helped him every time but this one time he couldn’t, as to certify someone of good character, they should be able to know him first! Reliable relationships are formed over years by knowing each other and emotionally connecting with one another. To receive unconditional support one must first invest in a strong emotional bank account with the other!

Moral: Forming stable relationships with others means investing in emotional bank accounts

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